Self-Parenting: Nurturing Your Growth and Mindset

Ego formation in childhood

Ego formation begins in early childhood as we start to develop a sense of identity and self-awareness. This process is influenced by the environment we grow up in, including our parents’ teachers and friends’ behaviours, expectations, and belief systems. Children are incredibly perceptive but lack the critical thinking skills to differentiate between constructive and destructive beliefs. As a result, the ego absorbs messages from parents and authority figures as absolute truths.

For example, if a child grows up in a household where success is overly emphasised, they may develop a belief that their worth is tied to achievements. Conversely, if they are exposed to criticism or neglect, their ego may form protective mechanisms, such as perfectionism or people-pleasing, to gain approval and avoid rejection.

These early beliefs and coping mechanisms, while useful for survival in childhood, often persist into adulthood, shaping our decisions, relationships, and emotional responses.

The role of parents and their belief systems

Parents play a significant role in shaping their child’s worldview. Through their words, actions, and emotional availability, they communicate beliefs about love, safety, success, and self-worth. These parental systems of belief are often inherited from previous generations, forming cycles of behaviour and thought patterns.

For instance: A parent who values hard work above all else might unintentionally form a belief that rest or play is unproductive.

Parents who struggled with financial instability may pass down anxieties about money, even when such fears are no longer relevant.

While these beliefs may have served a purpose in their lives, they might not align with the reality or values of the adult child. Recognising and addressing these inherited systems is key to breaking free from limiting patterns.

The Inner Child’s influence on the Adult Self

The inner child holds emotional memories, both positive and negative, that continue to influence the adult self. When unresolved childhood experiences or unmet needs surface, they can manifest as emotional triggers, fears, or unhealthy habits.

For example:

An adult who experienced constant criticism as a child might struggle with self-doubt and seek external validation.

A person whose creativity was dismissed in childhood may suppress their talents or feel unworthy of expressing themselves.

By reconnecting with the inner child, the adult self can acknowledge and validate these early experiences, offering the compassion and guidance that may have been missing.

Reframing childhood beliefs in adulthood

To heal and grow, it is essential to evaluate which childhood beliefs and coping mechanisms are still serving us—and which are not. This process involves:

1. Awareness: Identifying the limiting beliefs inherited from childhood.
2. Acceptance: Acknowledging the role these beliefs played in protecting or guiding us.
3. Adjustment: Replacing outdated beliefs with new ones aligned with our current values and goals.

For instance, an adult who grew up believing they must suppress emotions to appear strong can work to embrace vulnerability, recognising it as a strength.

Be attuned to your inner self 

Recognising the inner child with the adult self is a journey of self-parenting. It requires taking responsibility for our emotional needs, reparenting ourselves with love and patience, and consciously shaping our beliefs and behaviors. By doing so, we can create a life rooted in authenticity, self-acceptance, and emotional freedom—transforming not just our present, but also how we view our past.

In this way, the connection between the inner child and adult self becomes a powerful tool for personal growth and healing. Identifying and addressing the influence of ego formation and parental systems of belief is not just liberating—it’s transformative.